Sanity…what is it all about? What reminds us that we are still sane (after bearing so much madness around us)? and what confirms that we have lost it? Is there any difference between sanity and insanity at all? and if ‘yes’, what is that fine line that divides the two?
As I was pondering about these things, a figment of my life evoked itself. My mind went backwards vulnerably and images conjured up.
I still remember the day when I did something that would very well be termed ‘insane’, however, it lent me enormous peace and sanity. It was one of those rainy days. I was still in the rebounds of a just broken relationship. Who, why and what…all such details does not hold any relevance today.
I was sitting in a restaurant for my lunch and it was raining cats and dogs. The downpour was almost an outward manifestation of the inward tumult. I somehow managed to look into the menu page, trying to locate the item that ‘we’ used to have their so often. How much laughter accompanied us, how many stories, little pranks, passions, dreams. My eyes turned moist and the items in the menu became blurred. I was slowly losing myself…
The waiter appeared all of a sudden. He looked at me, as if on cue, I ordered, “one chicken tikka and 4 tandoori chapattis”. The waiter repeated to confirm, “madam, 1 chicken tikka and 4 tandoori chapatis..that’s it?” 4 tandoori chapatis? Did he say that? I realized soon that I shouldn't have come there. Trying to collect myself and hurriedly said, “Sorry, just bring me a cup of tea”.
I wiped my eyes and looked up. A strange light filled the table just before me. A couple was seated in front with hind-side towards me. I knew one of them very well but hoped against hope that it wasn't true. A woman was entwined by the arms of a man who could not see anything but her. He seemed to be all enamored, enchanted by her presence. Was I reminded of something again? I know not. I got shivers as I saw his face.
Yes, it’s been a year and I wanted a salvation but it was just not happening. My friends often suggested (thanks to the movie ‘jab we met’), “why don’t just call him one day and call him all possible kind of name” said one. “Shall we make a call and teach him a lesson?” said another. I remained blissfully away from all this retaliation but deep within something was kept on burning or should I say bleeding.
I took my tea, paid the bill and slowly walked towards the exit. A voice called out to me from behind, it was 'her' voice. She, a college junior was famous for more reasons than one. I had heard about her many times from the person sitting next to her. This man once meant so much to me, that day, he was nothing more than just ‘the person sitting next to her’. The lapse of time dawned on me. Suddenly everything seemed so distant, different, bizarre.
I turned back and to my surprise found a strange confidence rearing up within, as if loads of ‘something’ was being flushed out of the system. I went ahead, shook hands with both of them and wished them all the luck for their future.
As I came out, a deep borne ‘purity’ possessed me. Salvation, did I find mine? I wondered. That night, after years, I slept peacefully. Felt complete and content. The past seemed distant and bizarre. The present blissfully solemn.
Days later, as I narrated the whole incident to a dear friend, she fumed at me and said, “How could you let go such an opportunity? Oh common Puja, this was the chance when you could have…could have…tell me something, are you insane?
Looking at her face and the anger that possessed her, I laughed out. She kept gazing at me with equal disbelieve. I answered , “"Of-Course, I'm insane"”.
[Disclaimer- This post is purely a work of fiction..]